Deaf & dumb, actually. Mute. Not just sotto voce but completely voiceless. And yet, I came so close ...
The scene: a hotel lobby in Venice. The hotel offers wireless access from an outfit called Megabeam. I crank up the laptop, fill in the required credit card information and hit "send." Long pause. Very long pause. Finally, a screen that says my username and password will be sent to me by email.
Of course, to get my email, I have to go online. And to go online, I have to log on. And to log on, I have to type in my username and password.
The absurdity of the situation hasn't penetrated Megabeam's psyche.
Eventually I was able to read my email on a public computer and I did, in fact, find the promised email. Megabeam thanked me for my patronage and provided, no, not the actual username and password ... but a link to a web page where, it said, I would be able to retrieve them. But the link, it warned, would only remain active for a limited time ... and by the time I got there, it had expired a full day earlier.
Great tale! Thanks!